Scritch-scratch.....

Just to prove what a nit-wit, bleeding heart liberal I am, let me tell the following 'tail'....

For the last month or so, while laying in bed late at night we have heard this rather loud scritch-scratch sound coming from our adjoining bathroom/Jacuzzi tub area. Our manx cat Bunny has been equally interested and has posted herself by the access doors to the tub which are velcroed in place, but most of the sounds have come from the attic above the toilet.

It was a ‘duh' to think that there was nothing up there, but we were somewhat reluctant to try to find out. I did inspect the area outside the house to see if there was any obvious access to the house and there was nothing - except that with a ceramic tile roof with its overlapping tiles, - well, maybe.

Judging by the sounds we determined that they were larger than a mouse but smaller than a racoon (which aren't native around here anyway). I thought it might be a ground squirrel getting ready for a winter nap or maybe - hopefully, it was just the sounds of the hundreds of pigeons who seek refuge on our roof and use our fountain as a toilet.

We feeble, elderly folks mentioned it to son Larry who suggested that we simply take a look to see if there was anything under the Jacuzzi tub. What a brilliant idea!

So our brave son pulled loose the cover to the Jacuzzi area peered inside and proclaimed, "Look!" We did. There was a large nest of insulation material along with a store of cat food between the joists and there were some droppings which certainly looked larger than those of mice!

This revelation certainly set our hearts aflutter as we tried to determine what sort of monster critter could have left such large droppings! And, of course, we worried that our cats were being deprived of their food - the poor uncomplaining kits.

So what do we do now? Obviously mouse traps won't work because the beastie must be larger than that! Larry suggested his 12-gage shotgun and my Betty suggested arsenic but I prevailed and sent them down to the local Tru-Value hardware where they bought a trap (damned thing cost $32!) which would not hurt the poor little beastie whomever he/she was that I knew was only trying to survive the bitter cold winter (after all, life is simply a matter of survival which we all eventually lose) - well, at least those were my sentiments - and being lord of the manor – well....

Larry set and placed the trap with the trip plate smeared with peanut butter under the tub, sealed the door and .....

I was writing an eloquent note to Dennis on the computer suggesting how we together might solve the worlds problems and live in euphoria forever after (in the hands of the Lord, of course) when at about 2AM my Betty pads out and informs me that there is quite a ruckus going on under the tub and that both Bunny and Clementine are standing real serious guard! Perhaps I should come and see for myself!

Reluctantly, I meandered the almost 100 yards from our den to the bedroom area, picking up a flashlight on the way, pulled off the valcroed door and... by golly! - there was a nice plump healthy little rat watching, a bit nervously, through the cage wires!

She? was upset, of course, but I noted she had eaten all of the peanut butter (that is why I know that she is a she and not a he)

Of course, as according to procedure, I took a mug shot and then acting as lord of the manor, banished her forever from living in my home! Thus, I took her, still in her cage, in our car and drove about half a mile away where I opened the cage door and set her free to new adventures in the Mohave desert.

I'm certainly glad that there are very few people awake at 2AM who might have wondered what the hell was going on out in the desert at that time... If and when the police arrived, I was long gone.